The Pursuit of Something

Driving home I make all the same movements, every time, every day. The car bumps here, there’s a turn there. Take the long curvy turn on the inside, near the lines. I miss the bumps that way. That house has three motorcycles in front, this one has a DeLorean. Golf course greens on the right, more houses on the left. Watch out here for cars that slow to a near stop before turning. Almost there…

Sometimes, though, my mind is doing something else. It’s searching. Reaching for something that rests just out of reach. Barely beyond grasp, something is waiting for me. I just can’t get my mind around it.

Today, rounding a familiar bend, looking out my side window at some familiar houses, I spotted something unfamiliar. No, not with my eyes, but in my mind. It was there for a moment, then gone.

Gone? What was it? Will it ever be back?

Gone. Where did it go? I had it. Now I don’t.

Did I need it?

Sure feels like it. Then again, I have been known to pursue even that which I don’t need from time to time. Knowledge, though, is power. These elusive thoughts, these evasive ideas could help me form new connections and relations in my logic, opening my brain up to new, radical and exciting abilities. Every new connection I form in my mind equates to hundreds of new answers to the thousands of questions that came following my last discovery.

Imagine, I almost had it.

I’ve always been looking for it though, so I doubt it’s simply going to fall into my lap on the way home from errands.

It would provide a key to unlock some of the darkest secrets the world of logic has been able to keep from me. Secrets so profound and tightly sealed that they are indescribable, their keystrokes are missing from the keyboard.

If I could only have grabbed it while it was there, on the way home.

It’s not the only one though, the one that I saw today. I have seen many of them, and while I cannot describe any of them, I know that there are many. Not too many though. There are enough.

Enough for what?

It’s almost there… I can almost make it out.

Sitting in bed, another day, staring at the wall. What am I thinking about? How did I get here, to these thoughts? There’s one! There’s one of those mysterious ideas, the ones I never get enough time with to comprehend them. I can see it. I begin to understand, then it vanishes. Did it dissipate or instantaneously vaporize? I’m not sure. It’s gone.


What will it lead to? What would it mean to fully understand just one? Would it be enough? Would I be able to follow the logic into new, exciting areas of thought I have never explored?

How do I make it click? How can I make one of these slippery ideas stick around long enough to understand it and learn from it?

Where do they come from?

Why can’t I get one? Just one…

Someday, perhaps.

I hope.


2 Responses to “The Pursuit of Something”

  1. 1 Rochelle May 25, 2008 at 7:58 am

    I love you!

  2. 2 Jessica May 25, 2008 at 10:17 am

    “There’s one of those mysterious ideas, the ones I never get enough time with to comprehend them. I can see it. I begin to understand, then it vanishes. Did it dissipate or instantaneously vaporize? I’m not sure. It’s gone.”

    I hate when this happens, especially when it’s a great or profound idea and I have no way to write it down.

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May 2008
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