All About Me

Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going?

Ah, the classic questions. It seems that everyone either has their own version of the answers or they openly acknowledge that they do not have the answers. If you put people into respective groups based on this assumption, there are those who know and those who do not.

I would generally consider myself to be in the group of those who know. I say this because if you ask me who you are, what you are doing and where you are going, I will have clear, true answers for you. As for me, the general truths I am familiar with (those I would share with you to answer those three questions) still apply so I am safe to say that I am one of those who knows.

But am I really? I know the answers to those questions, I understand them, I have personal convictions that run deeper than than a wishing well and testify to the truth of what I believe. I don’t have an issue with my beliefs. I have issues with me.

Here’s where it gets a little complicated. If you’re not willing to sit with me and explore some of the vastness that is my persona, my complex and my enigma, then I suggest you stop reading, leave a nice comment about what a silly person I am and go find something light to read (like The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank).

Where’s the problem?

Now that’s an interesting question. I would say that I am the problem, but in reality I know that either I created the problem or I was born with it, like one of those personal challenges we’re given to struggle with and try to overcome while on Earth (you know, like some people are blind, others only have one leg, and so forth).

Back to the question of where the problem is, I think it’s safely tucked away somewhere inside me. The most likely place inside me that you might find the problem is in my head. No, the problem is not in a sinus or a nostril, I’m pretty sure it’s in my brain, my mind, my head.

What is the problem?

Well, I stated it simply above saying that I have issues with myself. What are a few of those issues?

Would you like a bullet list, a numbered list or some stories to illustrate? First, I’ll just start listing a few off in paragraph form and see where that leads me.

I annoy people, and I especially annoy myself. I annoy myself the most when I am annoying someone else, and horribly so when I am annoying someone I care about. In fact, there is an inverse relationship between how much I care about a person and how normal I can be around that person. For example, people who I don’t really care about may never realize that I have issues. On the other hand, people I hold dear and close probably wonder occasionally if I might benefit from a little professional help.

The source of this problem eats at me. It eats at me because I haven’t been able to find it as of yet. Perhaps this frivolous inquiry and these superfluous thoughts on digital paper can help me in my quest to eradicate the issue. (How do you pronounce that word, by the way? SuPERfluous? Or SUperFLuous? I once preferred to pronounce suPERlative as SUperLAtive because I thought it sounded better. It does have the word “super” in it, so logic dictates that the prefix should not get swallowed up in the pronunciation of the whole word, but should retain its identity through clear pronunciation of each part as they were before being joined together. Whichever rule is followed, I think it would be nice if we could just follow the same rule for any word containing the prefix “super” and avoid any confusing pronunciations due to inconsistencies.)

(Oh, and I prefer to throw any idiotic irregularities in our language to the French. It’s a nasty language where words have twelve or more letters and only one or two syllables.)

Let’s take a look at my class environment, for example. At first I didn’t care about anyone there, and I was largely successful at remaining transparent and unnoticeable - not annoying. Now, though, I have made a friend in class (that’s right, only one) and I seem to be on her nerves about a third of the time (I was going to say half, but I don’t think I can take credit for all of that).

(Plus, she’s not actually annoyed at me half the time, most of that time I just think she is.)

What’s worse, is that other people in class seem to get annoyed at me too.

Please don’t think me to be a simpleton. Many people make that mistake. I am aware of far more possibilities for explaining these behaviors than I am willing to write out, and some of them you would probably never even consider. You know why? Because I do social things the same way computers play chess. Basically, I take a look at where I am (the whole situation), calculate every possible reason for why things might be that way, how they may have gotten there and where they could possibly go next; and I do a very robotic, detached and mathematical evaluation of the situation based on my data. It’s like I’m not even entirely human (but I’m not the only one).

An example of just one of my thoughts about the classroom situation (outlined above) follows:
Perhaps the situation is entirely a product of my own perception. I could be creating something out of nothing just because I am beginning to take emotional stock in the situation. (Details and variations of the same idea omitted for brevity’s sake.)

I share this one because that is the answer my logical mind has selected as the one I am most likely to hear (or any number of variations on it, which I also have automatically iterated in my mind) from someone trying to give advice and insight into the situation. Each possible interpretation of a situation has detailed information attached to it along with every variation or mutation, and all of that is thoroughly cross-referenced and cataloged with everything else I know and have observed in life. The relationships between bits of information in my brain form spontaneously and painstakingly and comprise an elaborate, multidimensional network.

Making sense of social, emotional or even logical events in my life requires a maddening amount of mental effort. I literally exhaust myself physically performing these calculations all of the time. I am a very skinny person, yet I eat more than (or at least on par with) the average guy my age. Doctors have told me I must have a high metabolism, but I tend to think my brain burns all of the calories I consume just to get through the day.

Because of the physical nature of my mental activity, I prefer routine and regularity to help keep a steady pace. Abnormalities and irregular events tend to disrupt me more drastically than I wish they would, especially when I am under any stress that may be preventing my mind from adapting to the change.

I do not like that I am a low energy, bland person either. Some people may perceive me as less than bland, but they are not around me as often as I am. I bore myself, sometimes even to tears. I get excited about things, but not the same way most people do. I get happy about things, but I do not show happiness in a way that allows others to see how happy I am. Granted, the way I show happiness about one thing may differ greatly from the way I show happiness for something else. That doesn’t mean that I am more or less happy about one thing than the other thing. It just means that I express my feelings differently for different things.

I complain about this because people I perceive to be “normal” (as in, people who share traits and tendencies with others around them in a manner that leads me to view their type as the majority and those whose traits and mannerisms differ greatly from the majority then fall into minority groups I call “abnormal”) tend to have predictable reactions for happiness regardless of what has made them feel happy. “Normal” people tend to show excitement, happiness, sadness, anger and other emotions in varying degrees, and they do so in proportion to the degree to which they are feeling the emotion. I just can’t seem to emulate this behavior. I can’t even crack a half descent smile for photographs, and my birthdays must be horrifying for potential gift givers because I just can’t seem to get my body and facial elements to work together to send the same message I deliver verbally - “Thank you, I really love your gift.”

I don’t like unanswered questions, unsolved problems or unfinished work; all of which I have an abundance of all of the time. I enjoy too many hobbies for any one of them to be enough. It’s like having a dozen or more favorite, I mean absolutely favorite, foods and trying to decide what to eat for just one absolutely perfect dinner. You couldn’t possibly finish every dish if you decide to include all twelve favorite dishes, but you can’t think of which ones could possibly be omitted from the perfect meal. Such is the nature of my hobbies and interests. There are too many to be satisfying.

There is plenty more I could mention, but you’ve gone far enough with the conclusions you are drawing about me. Yes, my over-active brain has been tracking every possible conclusion a person could draw from every thought, every word, every sentence, every idea I have shared here. While you will not come to every one of those possible conclusions, the numbers are not looking good. You might feel inclined to suggest that I edit some things out then, so as to reduce some of that effect.

Nah, I’ll leave it as it is. If you liked me before I find it unlikely that there is enough reason here to stop liking me now.

On to something more positive to wrap this up… for now. This is something I find very therapeutic so I will probably revisit this topic in the future.

Is there any hope in sight?

My brain is beginning to chatter at me like an uncontrollable, unintelligible man from India. If that little man doesn’t quiet down soon, I may have to discontinue my writing for the evening and leave this question unanswered.

Hope? Yes, I always believe in hope. I believe people can change and people can overcome. If the problems I face are my own creation, then I should be able to undo them. If I was born with these issues as challenges, then I should be able to rise to the occasion and overcome. If I am just messed up for no reason, then I can become stronger and better and make changes in my life to become more comfortable in the world.

No matter what happens, or what turns out to be the answer to any of the questions I have posed tonight, I really do have all of the answers I need… somewhere. It may be a matter of figuring it out, it may be a matter of sorting priorities and evaluating things, or it might just be a matter of time.

Whatever.

The thing is, I’m not really all that unhappy with the way things are, I’m just uncomfortable. That’s a feeling I have grown fairly comfortable with over the years, and even if I see absolutely no change over the course of my remaining years, I shall live, love and be happy.

WordPress Google Docs

I love that WordPress shows search terms that are pulling your stuff up on the Internet. In fact, I love a lot of things about WordPress. I am also a big fan of Google Docs, and when I first began using this “blog” thing, I wanted to use Google Docs to post my entries.

Unfortunately, as my first post indicates, I had troubles getting it set up. I got the following message: Error decoding XML-RPC response.

Now, I’m not technical genius, and I can only vaguely describe what that error message means, but I played around a bit and got things working.

I started posting all sorts of cool stories, technical ideas, and anything else I felt like sharing. Unfortunately, nobody was interested.

At least eight people have searched for a solution to this problem and were sent to my blog and the number one search term that pulls me up online is “error decoding xml-rpc responce” from Google Docs in one way or another. I guess not too many people actually have problems with this message, but those who do have no idea where to find help for it. I may be wrong, but I also want to help out where I can. So, here’s how I solved the problem. It may not be the best way, but it has worked for me.

I’ll provide a screenshot, but essentially I didn’t use the preset settings for WordPress found in the Google Docs options for posting to a blog. At the top of the “Blog Site Settings” window I clicked on the “My own server / custom” radio button. Here are the rest of the settings I used:

(RED text means you should insert your personal information. Black means yours should be the same.)

(Click the image to view it full size.)

API: “MetaWeblog API” URL: “http://mereman.wordpress.com/xmlrpc.php” -(If you really do host your blog at a different URL, the wordpress.com part my be different too. The part before the “/xmlrpc.php” is the address you give to people so they can visit your blog.) User Name: “mediocrerenaissanceman“ -(This is the whole user name you log into the site with.) Password: “wouldn’t you like to know?“ Blog ID/Title: “The Mediocre Renaissance Man“ -(This is the title displayed at the head of your pages and at the top of the WordPress site while you are at your dashboard.) Last of all I have the box checked that says: “Include the document title when posting (if supported)” and I think you should too if you want to use the document title as your posting title.

The only warning I should mention is that when I use Google Docs to post it doesn’t go immediate. When I go to WordPress afterward it says the post is scheduled for seven hours later. If I want to post immediately I then go in and edit the post at the WordPress site, changing the settings to “Published” and the time to five minutes earlier. This works, but if anyone knows of a better way to get Google Docs to do it immediately, I could use the help.

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions or ideas, please leave a comment.

Overly Ambitious or Genius?

Ever since I was a young child I have had ideas.  Some of my ideas are novel, others impractical, while most of them are hardly noteworthy.  The problem is, not much has ever been produced from my ideas, other than the ideas themselves.  In the end, all I am left with are more ideas.

Take, for instance, an idea I had as a Freshman in High School in 1997, the same year the Nintendo 64 gaming system was released.  The idea began brewing long before then, but I know for sure that I began imagining the particulars during that first year of High School.

My idea really took off that year because we got our first glimpses of what some of our favorite games could be like in a fully three dimensional world.  Playing Mario 64 I was impressed with the level of freedom the extra dimension offered, but I still felt limited.  So I began imagining my own version of the perfect game.

It began with my version of the perfect Mario 64 game.  In stead of levels limited at the edges by invisible walls or impossibly steep hills, why not connect all of the levels?  There could be extra terrain blending the different environments that each level contains, and the whole thing could be one massive world.

On that note, my logic continued, why not make the whole thing into a giant planet?  It could be the Mario 64 world.  A whole planet filled with Mario levels.

Then we got a new game, Mario Kart 64.  This, being another Mario game, instantly began crowding its way into my already busy imaginary Mario world.  In the Mario Kart game, one track takes place in the same setting as the beginning of Super Mario 64 - outside the Princess’s Castle.  I thought it would be cool if you could get out of your race kart and enter the castle.  Of course, in my imaginary 3D Mario world, this would be possible.

The next game I remember getting and loving completely changed my imaginary game forever, and that was Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire.  This game allowed me a visual companion that took my 3D game into new galaxies.  Of course, it didn’t happen so fast.  At first, I saw the opportunity to have other planets and space ships that could fly around in space, allowing you to land on other planets.  Then, another game (this one for the PC) got me thinking even more.

I just spent the last half hour researching and trying to find the name of this game I used to love playing, but found nothing.  I have no idea where I got it, but it was a shareware game where you controlled a small ship and tried to conquer a galaxy.  There were two or three star systems, each with planets in orbit.  It was a simple, 2D game but I loved playing.  You used the up arrow key to fire a single thruster, left and right to rotate and orient the craft (like Asteroids) and the down arrow key to fire your weapon.  The physics reminded you that there is no friction in space, and gravity can pull you off your course.  The planets weren’t all that much bigger than the orbiting landing platform you began on.  You moved out from your planet and found unclaimed planets to make your own.  All of your planets worked on upgrades for your ship such as new weapons, shields, etc.  There was a complicated system for colonizing and developing your planets, but it seemed to take care of itself in the background as long as you kept flying around claiming more planets.

The trouble was with your opponent, who was constantly trying to attack and conquer your planets.  Anyhow, there was a little more to it that that, but I think you get the point.  I decided my game had to have aspects like that.  You could either play around on the surface, or you could go from planet to planet and try to gain control over as many of them as you could.  Then I got to thinking about other jobs, tasks, and so forth that could keep a person busy in a universe like this.  People could play the game to race, to run around on missions like in Golden Eye 007 or Perfect Dark, try to save people like the Star Wars game, fly people from planet to planet, compete for money, use the money to buy ships, cars, and other things…  The list kept growing.

Eventually, I realized this sort of thing would be more fun with other real people if they could be connected over the Internet.  In a recent letter to a loved one, I wrote the following (this person is still using a dial-up connection to the Internet):

Too bad you’re on dial up still.  I was just remembering dial up this week when I was recalling my first experiences with the Internet.  My dad’s place of work had supplied him with a  notebook computer and he had some responsibilities online.  He subscribed to AOL for Internet service at home, and I remember hearing about websites and pages from friends, on television and at school, and wanting to check them out online.  So, I would occasionally ask my dad if we could go on the Internet to look at one thing or another.

Every time we went online it was an adventure.  Not from the discoveries, learning or witnessing of new technology as one would hope.  The experience was an adventure because our connection would get refused a couple of times, then we’d get on with a painfully slow connection speed, and lose the connection five minutes later, only to repeat the whole process again and again.  I remember my “last straw” was when we decided to try filing our taxes online for the first time.  It took many, MANY hours.  Again, not because it was confusing or difficult, but because our connection was unreliable and slow.

A few of these “adventures” and I was convinced that the Internet was a useless, frustrating fad that would pass before I graduated high school.  That was one of my last wrong predictions.  As soon as I heard about “T-One Lines,” “Cable Modems” and “DSL,” I realized that the Internet didn’t have to be a slow, unreliable pain in the rump and a whole flood of possibilities became apparent.

Among that “flood of possibilities” was the idea that the Internet could connect gamers so they could interact in the same virtual world or universe.  Little did I know, but online games were already in existence, and at around the same time as I was developing my ideas for an online multiplayer game, MMOG’s were also developing into the 3D worlds they are today.  Now, games very similar to the final version of my idea exist (and they are making their creators a lot of money), but they lack the personality and flavor of my imaginary universe.

Spore and Second Life are two examples of ideas like mine that were capitalized on rather than sat on.  In Spore you get something more complicated than what I imagined but more centralized and less ambigous.  However you get the same level of scale and interactivity.  In Second Life you get the social networking, interactivity, creativity, ambiguity and freedom, but you still don’t have the video game style play.  I just think the themed worlds would be fun (imagine a Link and Zelda world).  I also think playing as your favorite video game character should be an option, as well as the traditional creation of an avatar.

In the end, though, my idea is still an idea.  I’m writing about this because I am once again faced with an idea that keeps escalating.  If I don’t squelch the proliferation of ideas soon, my idea will once again become too impractical to create.

Once again, my idea is for a game.  It is a simple game this time though, one for children or adults.  At first, while designing the code on paper, I realized that a modular approach would be easier to work with and make the whole project more flexible.  Then I decided I would like the program to help create the code for the game, making the game easier to edit and change.  I thought it would be good to make the game files separate from the code so it wouldn’t be hardwired into the actual program.  Then I decided to integrate the editing function into the final product so users could create their own games like mine, telling their own story.  Then it just got more complicated and more intricate until I realized I was going to have to back some of the features out if I’m ever really going to program this thing.

Only once did this tendency of mine to escalate ever pay off.  I was in High School, designing a program to help decode some encrypted messages for a contest I was working on in the evenings (instead of doing homework at home).  It worked out because I started getting the extra ideas while I was actually executing the project.  I started with a simple program that helped count characters and plot a graph to help me decode substitution ciphers by character analysis.  Then I got involved in a harder, multi-alphabet substitution cipher that required yet another function in the program to facilitate its decryption.  Eventually I got it to work, and it did its job beautifully.  I was very proud of this program, and to this day I regret the harddrive crash that wiped away every last line of its code.

The dilemma I am faced with is one of practicality.  Is it better to cut off an idea before it gets out of control to keep it feasible, or is it better to dream big, aim high and resign myself to a life full of ideas that I will never bring to life?  I like dreaming big, I love my ideas, but they are too big to execute.  This world we live in moves so quick that if I don’t do something about an idea fast enough, someone else will think of it and do it before me.  I have had numerous ideas that became big a few years after I dreamed them up.

Am I an overambitious, lazy and unrealistic dreamer or am I an under-ambitious genius who lacks the necessary gumption to do something about his ideas?  What do you think?

Person Mario 64

Right click for SmartMenu shortcuts

Good Habit, Bad Habit

I don’t remember when it started, but today it stopped.  I had been doing so well, I was in such a good habit, then one day, one morning, I tore it all down.

When I was very young I observed that good habits and bad habits have inverse properties.  A good habit is hard to form and easy to break, and a bad habit is easy to form and hard to break.  Basically, anything good and worth doing is difficult and takes time.  Anything bad and not worth doing happens quickly and easily and is hard to get rid of.  This principle applies to so much more than just habits.

Several months ago I started getting up early every morning to write when I didn’t have to go to work early.  I also set up a schedule with an hour of writing time Tuesday and Thursday evenings.  For a month or two (I don’t keep track of time well) I followed the schedule perfectly, never making even one allowance.  Then, one morning after an especially difficult night with the baby, I decided to give myself another hour of sleep.  I slept in the next morning, with no justification.  A day or two later I managed to get up to write, but I was too groggy to write anything worth reading, so I did other writing related activities (which I allow for) and went back to bed when I was finished.  Since that Saturday morning I completely stopped getting up early to write.

In the mean time I completely stopped writing in the evenings as well.  My creativity suffered, despite a few good ideas that came from time to time.  Even now, having gotten up early, my ideas are jumbled and my thoughts are muddled.  It’s going to take time to get back into the habit, but it is so important for me to write!

While I have been neglecting my writing time over the last few weeks, I have noticed a considerable degree of edginess and frustration brewing in my demeanor.  These are normal elements of my character that I consciously battle on a day to day basis, but I begin losing the battle when I give in to my lazy tendencies or fail to give myself appropriate creative outlets and stimulation.

Now I’ve got a couple of extra days off for the holiday making this a four day weekend.  It’s even harder to get up on a day off from work, but I’m resolved to make this the beginning of a good habit again.  No more sleeping in.  I may have to give myself a free day once or twice a month, but I’ll come up with an accountability system to prevent those free days from putting an end to a good habit.

Oh, and tonight, I’m taking my writing hour.

What I’ve Been Called

Of the many things I’ve been called, these are a few of my favorites (perhaps because I feel they are the most accurate).

Aloof, absentminded, wise, strange, lost, smart, inventive, anti-social, patient, caring, cold, focused, determined, stubborn, hard-worker, genius, detail-oriented, imaginative, talkative, creative, weird, warm, loving, detached, distracted, lazy, scatterbrained, precise, sociable, quirky, odd, quiet, intuitive, sharp, quick, slow, out-of-the-loop, courageous, thoughtful, and brilliant.

Notice the several contradicting pairs of adjectives.

Have I missed any? What would you call me? What do people call you? Please share in the comments.

Loads of New Videos

After uploading those first two videos to YouTube, I got inspired and started uploading even more!  In all, I have seven videos up so far, and they are all of the kids.  I won’t embed them all here, you can visit my channel and see any and all videos I upload there (even if I post more, the channel will update automatically).  Here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/brianhaddad

That brings me to an important point.  Anyone who is unfamiliar with blogs in general may not realize that the side stuff (in my case, all that stuff on the right side) is just as much a part of my “thing” as anything I write here (the content).  You’ll notice that I have a list of links, arranged in categories.  For family who use this as a hub to get to my other things (the online photo album, and now the videos) I have a special category for you!  It’s the Family Stuff category.  For now, the only relavant links are to the photo album and the YouTube Channel, but in the future if I have anything else the family may need to get to easily, I’ll post the link there too.

Be sure to scroll up and down that side bar area every once and a while when you visit so you can see if there’s anything new or interesting.  At the top I have the three most recent posts from my humorous and wise quotes thing (updated irregularly when I hear something I want to share), and near the botom I have a list of news articles I’ve read and found interesting recently.  I also have a list of items I would love to own some day (would make great gifts!), but the links down there don’t work.  So, to view the entire list (with photos) be sure to visit my MetaWishlist (listed in the Me section of my links).

I’ve got other interesting things I’d love to write about, but I want to go to bed early so I can take advantage of my writing time in the morning (I’ve been feeling like resting through that time, so not much has been getting done, unfortunately).  Back to work in the morning then!

Sophie, a Vibrator & Other Funnies

I’ll start off light.  I found this artist that does some pretty fun cartoons, and I especially loved this one:

In other news, I got another video up on YouTube.  It’s a little longer than the last one, but it’s worth watching through to the end (unless you just don’t care about my baby, and I would understand seeing as how she’s not YOUR baby).  Here it is:

That does it for now.  I’m not actually writing right now, this was just to share some stuff with you.  Good night!

Laziness & Inaction

I think maybe I’m being a little hard on myself, considering all of the stress and pressure I’m experiencing currently.  I’ve got a lot of work-related testing going on, and we’re moving soon, and there is still a lot to do before I leave in about two weeks.

I just don’t know if I can accept that as excuse enough for all of the writing time I’ve been wasting.  Alright, maybe most of it hasn’t been downright wasted, but I don’t feel that I’ve been doing enough to keep it productive.  I’ve used parts of it to read (which is valid, by my rules), but I’ve also been cutting corners off to get a few extra minutes of sleep in, or ending a little early to spend more time with my wife (we’ll be apart for about four months when I leave in a couple weeks).  I just don’t feel that the discipline has been there.

Regardless, perhaps I feel the worst of it because I have very little to show for the time I’ve spent writing over the last week or so.  How many short stories have I finished?  None.  How many times have I contributed anything worthwhile to a piece I’ve been working on?  Maybe once, if that.

I suppose, though, that I should just put all of that behind me and move forward.  I am here now, after all, writing.  I do have a little something I wanted to write about too, so I guess I can save my breath and quit being so hard on myself.

I read an article recently about an issue that had been nagging at me for years.  Sadly, I can’t say I’ve done much to be part of the solution, and at times I might even be part of the problem.  Although, for my part I do feel that I make a steady personal effort to avoid directly throwing my own fuel onto the fire.

The issue is the lack of professional training among bloggers.  In my eyes this issue has two levels (but the article only deals with one of them).  The first part, and the one discussed in the article, is that bloggers are not generally professional, trained journalists, yet that is the role they play in society.  Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to major problems for them, their audiences or their subjects of discussion.  They inadvertently infringe on copyrights, defame others (resulting in lawsuits) and even get in trouble for violating privacy laws.

The article I read discusses a recent movement in the blogging community toward a position between amateur and professional.  As far as presenting content and avoiding lawsuits, I think this is a wonderful idea and a relieving trend.

In my opinion, this problem is less annoying than the second level of the blogging issue.  Personally, I can deal with people getting upset at what I write.  My issue has to do with grammar and style.

That’s right, I’m more bothered by bloggers who write without capitalizing any of their letters, or use “z” instead of “s” or shorten words unnecessarily, or anything else of the like.  Not that I don’t sometimes enjoy their content.  The lolcats blog is a good example.  Their content can sometimes be amusing, but only if you don’t mind having your brain beat to a pulp by the intentionally horrendous and trendy spelling.  Frankly, I would enjoy the site more readily if the content weren’t so horribly mutilated by misspellings.  I understand that, for some, the misspellings are part of the cuteness and appeal.  I have a suggestion for such people who find this entertaining - use a marker or crayon to rewrite the photo captions however you like them (mispelled or not) directly on your computer monitor.

Misspellings have always bothered me, as has blatantly poor grammar.  I know that my own spelling and grammar are far from perfect, but I continue to make an effort to do well in what I know and learn what I do not know well.  If I can tell other writers or bloggers are making a similar effort, I am not put off by a misspelling or gramatical error.  I get irritated when I can tell that absolutely zero effort was put into writing something in the correct manner, or when an effort was made to deliberately avoid spelling or writing something correctly.  When I see such shenanigans I do not think they are cute, entertaining or clever.  I think they are annoying, degrading to the author, and extremely frustrating to read.  When I see more than one in the first few lines (or sometimes even paragraphs) of text I immediately stop reading.

Enough ranting about the Internet community.  There were other things I wanted to share and write about, but I shall have to save them for another time.  I am tired and ready to fall asleep at the keyboard.  To avoid drooling on my computer equipment, I will retire to my bed.

Childhood Dream - Video

I was feeling a bit nostalgic today, remembering such classic cartoons as “Darkwing Duck,” “Talespin,” and others with some of my peers. Perhaps that’s why I was taken back to my catalog junkie days.

That’s right, I was a catalog junkie. I used to regularly receive catalogs from several computer and software companies (junk-mail in my parents’ eyes), in addition to flipping through the big Sears catalog my mother would get. Those technology catalogs were my favorite though, and I learned a lot from them. For example, I knew all the fastest CPU speeds, how much RAM was being put in the high-end machines, and how big one could possibly get a hard drive. I noticed when the first floppy-drive-less computers began shipping, and realized that the minuscule storage on those things would prevent them from being missed.

Perhaps my favorite pastime from the catalog days was clipping or highlighting all of the components of my dream setup. I would find the most powerful graphics computer, clip it out and put it in a box or a folder. Then I would go find software that looked interesting for doing what I wanted to do, or supplemental hardware. I was in love with the 3D animations that had begun to get big and was convinced that I would become a 3D animator for movies and special effects. I found out about programs like Lightwave and 3D Studio Max. I learned that Photoshop was used to create textures and backdrops. I began learning which programs were low-end and which ones were being used to create professional work.

Eventually I had quite a collection. My collection of clippings evolved from technology alone to everything I wanted in life. There was this really cool computer desk that I wanted from the Sears catalog, as well as an entertainment center with doors that hid the TV. I even fell in love for one of the first times going through a catalog.

It was the Sears catalog, and I found her in the teen clothing section. I remember at the time I had a little crush on Anna Chlumsky from the movie My Girl. Her beauty was by far outshone by the mystery girl I found in the catalog. I am embarrassed to add that she was modeling underwear. Honestly, I don’t remember caring about the underwear (it wasn’t lingerie, it was like a sports bra or a trainer bra or something). I stared at her warm face and immaculate hair for hours on end, barely noticing the rest of her. I thought she had the most perfect eyes, the most beautiful smile… I was truly in love. I gazed so deeply into the image that I became irritated with how poorly images were reproduced in print products. I wanted a larger, clearer view of her gorgeous face (the whole clipping was only a few inches across). I often returned to the children’s section of the Sears catalog to see if she would come back, but alas I never saw her again. Several years later, just at the very beginning of my college adventures, I went to the Sears website and the rest of the web doing extensive searches in an attempt to find out who that girl might have been. I had a time frame, I knew the catalog month (but have since forgotten), I searched for several days. My efforts were to no avail. She was lost forever. Even my beloved clipping had disappeared and all I was left with was a memory. Luckily, I met my wife shortly thereafter.

That’s not why I wrote though. I am writing because I have been realizing over the last few months that one of my childhood dreams has remained alive within me (among others - they must have set up some kind of a refugee camp or something though, because the majority of my childhood dreams have long since been CRUSHED). In those catalog days, crouching over several copies of “PC Warehouse” at once, pondering the possibilities, I used to dream that one day I would have a family of my own (check, that one came true) and produce periodic family videos (using the cool stuff in the catalogs) that would have subtle, sporadic special effects sprinkled in (just to make them a little more fun). I had seen many home videos that were boring. If my family was going to make video of itself, it would need a little extra something.

Some of the ideas for CG (computer generated) additions to my home movies were things like a video of the children playing in the front yard, and in the background something crashes down from space into the house, causing an explosion (which the kids would ignore, of course, seeing as how they’re playing) and a giant robot or monster would come out of the rubble and crash around. I even thought it would be fun to have the kids participate, with me telling them to freak out and run at a certain time. Another idea was to have a video of one of the children’s rooms and have a doll or toy of his come to life in the background, dancing around and playing until the kid looks back at it.

At the time such ideas were the stuff Hollywood special effects artists were only beginning to get good at. Now, the tools exist for all of us; and anyone with the money to spare, the time to invest, and the skill to learn can do it. I’ve got the skills, I only lack the time and money (for now). Eventually, if I ever get that time and money, I still want to produce my own video. Home videos, perhaps a podcast/internet show, maybe some short films… I don’t know. The possibilities are endless. I wouldn’t want to make it a career, but as a hobby I could have a lot of fun with it. I even think my wife would love participating both in front of and behind the camera.

So, in advanced preparation for such a day, I am going to assemble and maintain a list of items to buy. I will assemble that list here and when I have a specific product, I will link to it and include it in a special list at metawishlist.com, so if you want to donate thousands of dollars to my cause, feel free.  The metawishlist keeps a running total of how much everything in the list would cost together (as of right now, over $12,000 not including the computer).

• High-end Computer for Video Editing (Multiple Monitors)*
• Hardware for Importing from External Sources (Audio & Video) and Exporting (built in to computer)
• High-end Professional-grade Consumer Digital Video Camera (Cannon or Red)
• Professional Lighting, Microphones, Green/Blue Screen Setup, and Sound Booth
• Teleprompting Equipment and Software
• 3D Studio Max
• 2D Animation Software (Toon Boom? Animation-ish for fun)
• Adobe Photoshop (2D Image Editing)**
• Adobe Premiere Pro (Complete Video Editing)**
• Adobe After Effects Pro (Compositing and Special Effects)**
• Adobe Ultra (Chorma Key - Blue/Green Screen Software)**

* I probably won’t link to one specific system because the “best” system specifications change almost daily.  If we ever really do this, I would simply look for the most powerful computer system available in the $2,000 - $6,000 range from a hardware manufacturer I trust.

** Adobe has ONE package called Creative Suite 3 Production Premium which contains all of the (starred**) items plus a few extras for a really great price.

That just about does it for now. If you have any suggestions for items on the list that are missing, better products than the ones I link to, or product suggestions for items I don’t have product for, feel free to leave a comment. Thanks!

Cheep Advice #1

I need to get some writing in tonight. I’m not going to do much, because there is a lot that needs to be taken care of around the house, but I’ve been slacking off a little.

I don’t feel that I’ve been wasting my writing time (with the possible exception of this morning), but I don’t feel that I’ve been getting any quality writing done.

I have, as you may have noticed, felt slightly uninspired; but that shouldn’t stop me. This morning I just plain slept through my writing time (I honestly felt that the sleep was a better use of my time since the baby had kept us up late and all night). That’s the first time since I started getting up early that I slept though my morning writing time though, so I don’t feel all that bad.

Today on the way home from work my wife and I were discussing something that brought a saying back to mind that I learned in Mexico. It’s one of those ideas that you are aware of, but might never hear it put into words. The wording in Spanish is elegant, but it still works in English.

In English it goes something like this: “If your problem has a solution, why are you worrying about it? If your problem doesn’t have a solution, what are you worrying for?”

Simply put, every problem either has a solution or it doesn’t, but worrying about it never does any good. I think the saying came to mind because of some issues at work where everyone is nitpicking about the details of how something is going to be scored. In the end, if you do your best why would it matter how they score you? I’ve always seen inquiries like this as “how bad can I be” questions. Like when you want to know how far over the speed limit you can drive before the cops will take notice, or how many times you can call in to work with a family emergency before your boss will fire you. It’s important to have and be familiar with limits, but not with the aim of knowing how bad you can be.

I remember the story of a trucking business that needed a new truck driver (I think it’s made up, but it teaches a good lesson). The owner of the company put out a wanted ad, and eventually narrowed the applicants down to three drivers. The route the new driver would be negotiating had a very dangerous mountainous stretch with steep cliffs right at the edge of the road. So, the owner took the three of them out to this part of the route and had each of them demonstrate how they would negotiate one particularly treacherous turn.

The first was a middle-aged driver with several years of experience. He assumed that the manager wanted to see how skillfully he could make the turn, so he took it at a moderate speed but got as close to the edge as possible. When he was done the manager acknowledged his skill stating that he had taken the truck closer to the edge than anyone else before him.

The second applicant saw this and thought, “I can do better than that.” He was, of course, the youngest of the bunch, but he was very skilled, and indeed he pushed the truck past the edge. Some of the tires were hanging off the cliff as he tore around the curve well past the recommended reduced speed limit. He returned safely, smugly tossing the keys into the hands of the astonished business owner and shooting a smirk at the first driver. With a proud, crooked smile he thought to himself, “Let’s see what this next guy can do. I doubt he can do better than that!”

The owner handed the keys over to the final applicant, an older driver who had been in the business for longer than the second driver had been alive. The man climbed slowly but swiftly into the cab and started the engine. First gear, second gear, on up he accelerated carefully to the recommended speed and went around the curve, almost hugging the mountain on the inside, as far away from the edge as he could get. Thinking themselves to have clearly demonstrated greater skill, the first two drivers laughed at the last driver.

When he returned, he climbed down from the truck and walked over to the owner. The owner took the keys from him and thanked him, asking him when he would like to start his new job. The other two drivers protested, saying that they had far more driving skill and one of the should get the job, to which the owner responded, “I don’t know if the man I’ve hired can do what you can or not, but I do know that he will always transport my goods safely and they will always arrive at their destination.”

That last driver did not ask “how bad can I be?” He just did his best with integrity. Living in this manner we never have to worry about the details of how we’re “scored” or how we’ll be judged (of man or God). Whatever your problem may be, a test, a judgment, or a relationship; if your problem has a solution, why worry? If not, what are you worrying for? Just do your best.

OK, that’s your cheep advice for the day. Take it or leave it!